Hell
2004-05-02, 7:15 p.m.

Ok. So I had the most horrific Saturday I've ever had. It started out ok. Amanda's friend Chelsea took her to breakfast, then they came back to my house. Then I took the girls to a huge carnival at a school right down the road. We had a blast. Lots of bouncy blow up thingies, and cotton candy, face painting and sand art. Great day. I bought us all tickets that we could put into boxes for drawings for various goodies. You know, dinner out, family fun pack for the movies, books, Mary Kay...you get the point. Amanda put 3 of her 4 tickets in for a seascape oil painting. She said it would be for her dad. Sniff. She's not always so generous. Hey, she's an only child, pretty spoiled. Guess what? She won. The painting plus a year's family membership at the Chrysler Museum. Pretty cool. It was a great day.

I get back to the neighborhood, drop Chelsea & Amanda off at Chelsea's and go home to clean. Chelsea was spending the night, so they were going to pack her bag and come on down. I no sooner walk in the door then the phone rings. My mom. At my recently deceased Grandma's house, asking if I can come over and pick some things out that I'd like. That's what Grandma wanted. Ok, no prob. I go back to get Amanda, but of course she wants to stay. Chelsea's mom says no problem & off I go. Amanda comes running out and asks for the house key so she can get her bike & scooter. I give it to her, telling her not to hang out at the house, just get the stuff & give the key to Chelsea's mom. Ok, by mom. Bye Manda. Love you. Love you, too.

So I get to Grandma's, pick out an eagle (she collected them, they are EVERYWHERE), a VCR and a bookcase. Seems really simple, but my sisters & mom were there, so we talked, looked at pictures, etc. You know how it is, right? So I pull up into Chelsea's driveway 2 hours later. Good, they're there, the bike & scooter are in the driveway. I ring the doorbell. It takes a minute, but I hear Chelsea's mom say "Oh, sorry, come on in." When I get in she says she wondered why the girls rang the doorbell. Oh, so where are they? She's a little shocked, they had just walked outside moments ago. But no sign. So we go behind the townhomes, where they had been playing earlier. They weren't out front, I would have seen them when I pulled up. So we holler, but they don't answer. Now, I really shelter Amanda. She doesn't know anyone else in the neighborhood, because we're tucked off to one end, away from where the majority of the younger kids live. Chelsea is more centrally located. She has a few other friends she visits. So we start checking but no one has seen them.

After about a half hour we're both starting to get a little frayed around the edges, but we're holding it together. We're not in a huge neighborhood. We feel safe there. And it crossed my mind that no way would my kid get in a car w/ a stranger. Seriously. You'd have to know her. She would howl like a banshee. No way does anyone make my kid do something she doesn't want to. And there were TWO of them. That would make it pretty hard. So I'm freaking, because I have way too active an imagination, but I'm still relatively calm. At least on the outside. So we keep walking the neighborhood, hollering for them. I check my house a couple of times. Then a neighborhood dad who has seen us pass by a couple of times shows us an area in the woods where the kids go. We go on a trail. Back, further, further.... I had no idea the woods went this far. And at the very back? Water. Lots of it. I'm getting a little more freaked out. Then I see the campsite. Tarp. Sleeping bag. Scorch marks from a fire. Cigarette butts. And I think, oh no. That's how one man could subdue two little girls. In the woods. Through force and intimidation. Water blocking one retreat, thicker woods on both sides. I thought I was going to pass out. It had been an hour at that point. I don't know how I didn't lose it, because I wanted to. I calmly told the other mom it was time to call the police. On the way back we're both sort of shell-shocked. She was crying. I was close but I was afraid if I started I'd never stop. I called the cops. I called my husband. Then I called my sisters. I did ok on the phone calls. I told the 911 operator there were two missing girls. 8 and 9. She asked about the 8 year old. I gave her name and description. What she was wearing. I knew I had to be calm. Then she asked about the 9 year old. I had to say her name. I cried as I said it. (I'm crying as I write this actually.) "Is she your daughter?" Yes. Except by that point I was so horribly afraid I didn't have a daughter anymore. My daughter had never gone more than 15 minutes w/out checking in. For her to be gone over an hour now....

Oh boy. Ok. So by this time word had kind of gotten around the neighborhood. As we were on our way back from the woods a man who we had talked to before asked if we had found them. We said no. "Alright," he said. He went in his house and called his daughter. As we walked back to call the police I heard him telling her to get her bike and get all her friends and check any spot where kids hang out. In the end, it was his daughter who found them.

The police had gotten there and taken a description and gone looking through the neighborhood. I really wanted to call someone for Chelsea's mom. She looked so alone. I knew my husband was on the way, and my sisters. She looked so lost, she said "I don't know what to say. And I lost your daughter, too." Then she started crying. I was so shocked. It had never once occurred to me to blame her. I blamed myself. Kept asking why I didn't make her go to my Grandma's with me. But to blame her? For letting the kids go out front to play? We all do that. There are kids all over that neighborhood. No, I didn't blame her. And to think the whole time she had carried that additional burden. Poor lady.

Anyways, as I'm sure you know, the girls turned up just fine. They had been back in the woods and totally lost track of time. When asked later, individually, if they had any idea how long they had been gone (an hour and 40 minutes by the time they were found)they both said 15 - 20 minutes. It felt like 5 hours. I have never felt so helpless in my life. It was absolute hell. I prayed like I have never prayed before. I begged God not to take her away from me. I probably (REALLY) should have gone to church this morning. It's the least I could have done.

Meanwhile, my husband has a lot of explaining to do to his boss. Since he was in the company van, he's sure there's going to be plenty of calls about the erratic driver flying down the interstate, passing people in the emergency lane and jumping over medians when necessary. Not to mention after it was all over he still had to go out to the nursing home and visit his dying grandmother. (Who finally succumbed this morning, after a 2 year battle with Alzheimer's.)

Needless to say, Chelsea did not sleep over last night. Last I talked to her mom, they were on their way to the store for beer and ice cream. Amanda & I had a sleepover of our own in the living room. She took the love seat, I took the couch. We put in Mulan so we take in the female empowerment of a girl who didn't take crap from anyone, and who could kick some serious butt to boot. We ate ice cream, pop corn, Mounds bars and Butterfingers. We drank Dr. Pepper and didn't brush our teeth before going to sleep. Amanda slept w/ the facepaint from the carnival still on. After she fell asleep I just stared at her and thanked God that she was still with me. And promised myself that I would choose my battles as far as she's concerned. Because life is short and precious, and truly, you can't sweat the small stuff. So go find that person you love more than life itself and kiss them once for you, and once for me too!

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