Proms, spandex & spasms
2004-04-24, 4:57 p.m.

OMG!!! I totally got invited to the prom!!! I'm, like, so freaked out!! Ok, so how, you might ask?? I mean, me being 30ish and all?? The senior class invited me to be a chaperone! I'm, like, totally psyched! Although, if they heard me say psyched, I'd probably get an uninvite real quick. Now, let me tell you why this is so cool. 1) I don't see a whole lot of the school population, being in special ed and all. The kids in my class tend to not hold office in the SCA. So, it's usually the really popular teachers who teach "regular" students who chaperone. 2)I'm not, er, youngish. I've sat idly by and watched the cute, energetic 20 somethings get invited to chaperone the Homecoming Dance, the Ring Dance, the Senior Cruise, etc, etc, and never once felt slighted. Well, not too terribly slighted. I mean, these teachers are only 5-6 years out of high school themselves. I, only the other hand, graduated from high school at about the same time the doctors were cutting their cords. That makes me old, at least in their eyes. Not in mine as Sandra Bullock is still like 4 years older than I am. So, this is quite a coup for me. I guess my level of coolness transcends age and popularity boundaries. Either that or they were just really hard up for chaperones. Now I have to worry about looking good in the only prom-like dress I have. Actually, it's a kickass dress. I wore it six or seven years ago when I was in my sis-in-law's wedding. The marriage is no longer, but the dress is still smokin'. I tried it on today to see how much work I need, and damn if it didn't still fit. And it looks pretty good on me, except for all the lumps. But hey, that's what spandex and lycra are for, right? Some control top hose, a fat sucker-inner thing and I'm set. EXCEPT . . . my arms. There's just no way around it. You cannot hide flabby arms. It's just not possible. I've tried. It's always been a problem area for me, along with my butt, thighs, stomach, and calves. I have to figure, though, that as far as areas to tone go, this one should be not so bad. I mean, I can tone my arms while watching tv. Sit on the couch, turn on the tv and pick up the hand weights. Sounds easy, right? So how much you want to bet I can't do it?? On the other hand, my sister gave me one of those muscles shocker things, you know what I'm talking about? You put this gooky gel on your thigh, stomach or, in this case, arm, and then put this band thing on (light a blood pressure cuff). THEN you set the frequency or pulse level or something and it contracts the muscle for you. The first time I tried it I think I did something wrong, because it shocked the shit out of me! I asked my sis if it was supposed to hurt and she said she didn't think so. So I tried it again and it was really funny. I just sat there and watched my arm contract, like a muscle spasm. I had totally forgotten about that thing until now. I wonder if I can find it. I'll let you know how it goes. Wish me luck!

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