Jolly Posh Giant
2004-10-12, 10:20 p.m.

So I was Velma (from Scooby Doo) for Cartoon day today. I actually channeled her, I think. I got offended when people called me Thelma. I told them �It�s VELMA, with a V! Jinkies!� And I know why Daphne got Fred. A gal with brown hair and Velma's coloring should NOT be wearing that shade of orange. Seriously.

Tomorrow is Music Television Day. I�m Posh Spice, the suckiest of all Spice Girls. I shouldn�t say that, she did get the hot husband after all. I still don�t know what I�m wearing, but I did borrow my sister�s hoochie boots. She calls them her Bond Girl boots. I was worried about stretching the tops of them out a bit, as she has these skinny ass legs and I, uh, don�t. She told me not to worry, she�s not wearing them anymore because they�re unstable and she busts her ass every time she wears them. I told her if she didn�t insist on getting drunk while wearing the boots, she probably wouldn�t have that problem.

So I get the boots and try them on. Except it wasn�t that simple. It took about 6 minutes to put the stupid things on because they�re really, ummm, form-fitting. I�ve gotten pretty good at it now, though. I�m down to about 3 minutes. The other problem I�m having is that they�re platform boots. They�re like 4 - 5 inches tall. Now, I�m just shy of 5'9" without shoes, so I�m a frickin� Amazon in those things. (Shut up, Blue, I know what you�re thinking.) I don�t really think of Posh as being Amazonianish, do you? I�ll tower all the hell over those punk high school kids. It might actually be fun. Maybe I�ll get a picture.

By the way, Atlanta sucks. P.S. I'm starting to have second thoughts about the boots. I just tripped over my dog and fell half-way down my stairs! It knocked the wind right out of me. (And no, I'm not wearing the damn boots!) I landed flat on my ass, so I'm trying to figure out why my foot hurts so bad. In my defense, I didn't have my contacts in, my stairway was dark, and my dumbass dog was laying down on one of the steps. I've taken two aspirins, so hopefully I'll be feeling peachy in the morning. Otherwise I'll have to get my hands on a walker and be Posh Spice 2044.

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