Just call me Pearl
2004-11-06, 2:22 p.m.

I went to a pearl party last night. Have you ever heard of such a thing? I hadn't. I really didn't want to go, but a lady at school that I normally don't hang out with invited me, and she's such a trip I figured I had to go. I'm just not a jewelry person. I have the cross necklace my dad gave me when he first found out he had cancer, and I never take that off. It's so pretty I never wear anything else with it. Then I have my watch. That's about it, except for my wedding band, but pbfftt on that, ha ha.

So I go. I bring my girl with me for entertainment purposes. We all sit in the living room while the pearl demonstrator (p.d.) hands out these little scraps of colored paper which we have to write our name on for a door prize drawing. She starts talking about pearls, and how they start as a grain of sand, blah blah blah. She rambles on for awhile. I have to admit, I wasn�t really listening. I was looking at the book trying to figure out what the cheapest thing I could buy without insulting the hostess was. The cheapest necklace is $32 plus $8.95 for the pearl. Sheesh. It�s pretty though. Then Amanda starts tapping my leg. I look at her - she whispers, �I have two questions.� I whisper back, �So ask her.� I was ready for some amusement. Eventually, of course, the p.d. asks if there are any questions. Up goes Amanda�s hand. �I have TWO questions. One - how big can pearls get?� Hmm, a normal question. Oh well. I go back to the book. The p.d., however, is delighted with the question. I don�t remember what her answer was, though, because I didn�t really care. Again, don�t like jewelry. Not impressed with pearls.

But THEN, Amanda asks her second question. �What happens to the sand that starts the pearl?� Oooooo, good one! The p.d. looks a little confused and again talks about how pearls are formed. When she�s done, again, Amanda says, �But what happens to the sand? Like, if you cut open a pearl, what would be on the inside?� The p.d. still looks confused. I guess she�s trying to figure out why anyone would want to cut open a pearl. �Uh, I guess the sand would still be in the middle.� Amanda nods. �Cool.� That�s my girl.

So then we all go over to the dining room table. It's time for the door prize. A jewelry cleaning cloth. She lets Amanda draw the name out, which is a mistake because I think my girl cheats. The last time someone let her draw a name (for a t-shirt), she drew her own name. I don't know how, because it seemed on the up and up, but she's a sneaky one. Big surprise! She pulls my name out. Yay!

So the p.d. pulls out this container of oysters. She says, "I have saltwater oysters tonight, too!" And some of the other ladies go, "ooooohhhhhh." I look around at everyone and kind of mutter an "aaaaoooouuueeehh" as I semi-nod my head and look somewhere between amused and confused. The hostess gets to go first. She gets a free pearl for having the party. AND, with only $99 in sales, she can get a free ring, too!! The p.d. looks sternly at each of us as she says that. As if to say it will be OUR fault if our hostess doesn�t get that free ring. Although, she IS a teacher. Could be she just automatically has that stern look going.

So our hostess picks a pearl out of the water with a pair of tongs and hands it over to the p.d. The p.d. gets out her handy dandy little oyster opening knife and �POP�, opens that sucker up. I was the only one who said, �eww� at the pop. Guess that was wrong. So the p.d. pulls out the meaty center (again, eww, but I keep it to myself this time). She starts squishing the meat and then, plop, out comes the pearl. She says, �It�s a BLACK pearl! These are generally rare!� Well everyone just ahhhhhhs over this pearl. The hostess is thrilled because, wouldn�t ya know it, she was hoping for a black pearl! The p.d. throws the pearl in some salt and starts rubbing the pearl in it. Then she rinses it in a bowl of water and dries it on a big fluffy cloth. She holds it up for everyone to see. Again with the �oooooohhs� and �aaaaaahhhs�. Ok, at this point I have to admit I feel just a tiny tremble of excitement. The p.d. pulls out this card to measure it. 7mm!! She then gets out a chart and gives the approximate value of the pearl. I don�t remember what she said, but the hostess got it for free! Now who wants to go next?!?! Wow, the excitement level this lady has after teaching kids all day. I need some of whatever she�s on!

So of course Amanda just has to go next. It�s at this point that I have to admit my lack of pearl knowledge by asking the difference between the freshwater and the saltwater oysters. Turns out, the freshwater can be white, pink or peach. And for some reason they don�t get as round as the saltwater. She explained it, but again I have to admit to not really paying attention. The saltwater are white, cream, champagne and the elusive black. (Although the hostess had previously told me the party she went to had about four black pearls pulled, so I don�t know how �rare� they really are.) She also tantalizes us suckers with, �And sometimes..........there are twins!

Well I want a freshwater one. Amanda pulls one out of the water. The p.d. lets her open it and pull the pearl out. It�s a 6mm egg-shaped pink one. It�s pretty, I have to admit. For some reason, they can't really put a value on the freshwater pearls. I REALLY should have paid more attention when she was talking. Not that I care about the value, I just like pretty. So the next person goes. And the next. And the next. And so on. Most people got a white one. One woman got a gold one. That was kind of pretty. Well, by the time it was all over with, I let Amanda pick out another pearl. It was a cream one, 7mm, valued at $46. But I only had to pay $8.95. Oh, wait. It�s only $8.95 IF you put it in their jewelry. If you just want the pearl it�s $21.95. Pbbfflltt.

So in three weeks Amanda will have the cream pearl on a heart necklace and I�ll have the pink one on a silver ring. Being such a sucker only cost me $120.00. Did they see me coming, or what?

Oh, by the way, my pearl party is November 19th. :D

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