Sassy Shopping At The Mall
2004-12-14, 4:21 p.m.

Hi everyone! Its Treesssa again.
I just wanted to tell you about a little story about our Sassy and her shopping trip.
She doesn't tell you these stories because � well� she is modest.
One day, while Sassy was shopping in the mall, a very svelte looking man approached her.
"Hi, I'm Mark Wahlberg, do you want to date me?"
He then did a swift post-Marky Mark dance to try to impress her.
" Oh hello Marky Marky. I saw you in Boogie Nights! No I can't date you because I'm married. Sorry."
"I am not called Marky Mark anymore. I have been admiring you from afar for some time now. I was wondering if you could just please tell me what your name is?" He does another dance move.
" Oh I'm sorry Marky..er I mean Mark. My name is Sassy."
" Sassy�oh that is a sweet name. Please Sassy let me take you away from your husband and date you. If you saw Boogie Nights, you know what I have to offer you�" He smirks.
"Oh Marky Mark! Everyone knows that you had an extension! Who you trying to fool?"
"Well..er..well I guess I was just trying to impress you. I'm sorry. Your beauty is so blinding that I didn't know what I was saying. Please Sassy, please be mine. I can cut you a good deal on Calvin Cline underwear? I can also dance for you..naked." (He does the running man dance to try and impress her.)
" Boy�you better skeedaddle! I am in no mood for this Marky Mark mumbo jumbo! Now Git!"
"I'm not known as Marky Mark anymore!! Please Sassy! You are so fine! I must have you!"(he does a pole dance in front of her.)
" No, I'm sorry Marky Mark. You are a fine young stappin' lad, but I just can not date you. You are not my type anyway! Now go away!"
Mark walks away crying.

Hugh Jackman walks up:
"Hello, I'm Hugh Jackman. Do you want to date me?"
"Ugggggh! What is it with you men? I just came here to go shopping and I am bombarded with men asking me out! Go away!"
Hugh walks away crying.
Mark sees that Hugh tried to pick up on Sassy.
"Yo! What's up Hugh! You are trying to pick up my woman? I'll fight you!"
"Settle down Marky Mark. She doesn't want you anyway! Ha! HA!"
"You�you�"
They start fighting.
Mark whips out his extension and does a little dance.
Hugh whips out his X-Men claws.
Mark smacks Hugh with his extension.
Hugh cuts the extension in two and part of it flies up in the air and lands in Sassy's Orange Julius.
"Oh, hell no! That did not just happen! Y'all need to get the hell out of here! I don't want neither one of you damn fools! Go on git!"
Both guys walk away crying.
Sassy dumps her Orange Julius with the extension.
As she dumps the drink in the trash bin, Heath Ledger walks up.
"Hi I'm Heath Ledger. Do you want�."
Hugh and Mark run up and start pummeling Heath."
" Blye me! Marky Mark and that guy from X-Men!AAAAHHHEEEEE!"
" My name is not Marky Mark!"
Sassy then walks away and goes into Old Navy.
A silk shirt intrigues her.
A store employee approaches her. Turns out its Keith Richards from the Rolling Stones.
"Would you like to buy this shirt, love?"
"Oh hello Keith. Yes, how much is the shirt?"
"It's free�on one condition."
"Oh yeah? What's that?"
"If you would let me sing a song to you."
"Oh,(sigh) alright. I guess."
Keith pulls a guitar out from behind the register. A crowd forms around the store.
" Oh, Sassy, Oh Sassy, when will those dark clouds disappear
Sassy, Sassy where will it lead us from here
With no loving in our souls and no money in our coats
You can't say we're satisfied
But Sassy, Sassy, you can't say we never tried�"

"Keith, that�s very nice. Now can I have my shirt?"
Just at that moment, Mark, Hugh and Heath come charging into the store and start beating on Keith.
"Oooh..owww,uummfff, oooh Sassy tell them that you are mine!"
"Sorry Keith, no can do. I'll just take my shirt and go, ok? Buh Bye."
Sassy walks out and sees a Victoria's Secret sale.
As she is making her way to the front of the store, Adam Sandler pops out from behind a trash bin and starts singing about turkey.
Keanu Reeves rushes up and smacks him in the head with a surfboard.
Aggravated, Sassy walks into Victoria's Secret and starts sampling the perfume.
Wayne Brady shimmies up to Sassy.
"Hey Sassy girl!"
"Whats up Wayne?"
" I noticed you sampling the perfume."
" Uh, yeah, so?"
"Well I was just thinking, none of those scents could smell as sweet as you."
"(Sigh) Wayne! Forget it! I'm outta here!"
Sassy walks out, leaving a sad faced Wayne.
Just then a security guard walks up.
" Uh Miss? I am going to have to ask you to leave the mall As soon as possible."
"But why?"
"Because you have been connected with the disturbance in the food court fight, the Old Navy brawl and a unconscience man hit by a surf board in front of Victoria's Secret."
"But I didn't start any of those fights!"
" Miss, I am going to have to escort you out of the mall. Come with me."
"Gee! Can't a girl go shopping anymore with out being hounded by famous men?"
The guard walks her over to her red VW Beetle.
" Miss Sassy, I am sorry(sob) I have mislead you. I am not really a security guard. My name is John Stamos. Do you want to date me? Can I have your phone number? I loooooooove youuuuuuuu!!"
Sassy gets in her car and speeds away from the mall.
The End

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